i mean every word here, its harsh, but it had to be said

i remember when i wanted to be anyone but me, when i wanted to be you, because you had it all, and i had shit, but now youre face down fucked under 10 feet of drugs and self pity, you struggle to breathe anything but smoke, you left me down in the dirt, but now youre the one thats really hurt, blood is thicker than water but youre running out of it, i cant stay mad, and ive never been the type to hold grudges. but now youre face down fucked with a mouth full of lies, and you struggle to pick yourself up out of the dirt, but im still here, holding out my hand, even though i promised i was done with this shit, but you refuse my advice, you wont let me help, you sit and cry and bleed and fuck, but you ran out of luck a long time ago and its getting cold and you have no place to go, you sit piss drunk and fucked up on your own supply, ive already done all i could and nothing less, but youre basically buried under yourself and the drugs dont work anymore, youre broken, but who isnt? it runs in the family, but you wont grab my hand and you wont let me help, when are you gonna look in the mirror and notice that the monster you blame all this on is you? but how could you bring us up, saying you miss me, and then never say anything back? its a waste of time, everyone knows it, why cant i just accept it, i see you, face down fucked under the layers or ignorance and shame you hide under, under the dirt and the rust you call home, you left me face down in the dirt, you did nothing to help me, so why the fuck am i here for you still? probably because im not a self centered, sociopathic, unreliable, prick whod rather soak in shame and all the lies you feed everyone, we want to help, I want to help you, but you dont want help, you want to sit face down fucked under 10 fucking feet of fucking drugs, and all the failures you devised just for the attention, ive wasted to much time and effort trying to be the big brother i promised id be, you have to make some effort if you ever want even a sliver of the respect or trust i once had for/in you, im done with this, this shit with you gives me the worst nightmares, you dont even know, so instead of a fucking text saying some bullshit, write a letter, or fucking call me, do something to show that youd actually take some fucking time to do, to show you care enough to spend time on something that could save us, im done, im sorry, i love you, but until you do something, im done, period, i dont want any of this anymore, goodbye, lets see if you read this, lets find out if you even care, i have just a little bit of hope left, but its fading fast...  -night-